I wrote these poems incrementally, but collated, edited, and recorded them collectively. A process that was at first therapeutic and then brutally revealing. A lot of the pieces touch upon regret, lost possibilities, and missed opportunities born of trauma, neglect, mental illness, and fear, as well as the desperation that comes when you find yourself searching for hope inside of darkness.
What could’ve been and what is, are not the same thing. A lot of my pain comes from an inability to reconcile those two disparate facets of my existence. I know I can’t have everything I want, no one can. But when you are broken, it can be hard to know what you want, let alone have any idea of how to attain it.
Thus, I write. I write to heal, to express the darkness within, to get it onto the page, and into the light. To understand myself and to understand my understanding of the world.
If you resonate with my words I encourage you to write some of your own - it will help.
what could have been
is broken
and what is
feels like a dream
these words served
as a temporary anchor
against the swirling chaos
of a corrupted soul
longing for rest
writing
saved my life
editing
almost killed me
i hope
it was
worth it
