These poems were mostly written in 1987 while recovering in Clifton, Bristol, in England. It heralded the start of a huge change for me, and I felt broken. The love of my life had just come to a messy end, and I’d been hitting the LSD too hard. Things felt beyond my control, and I now had to learn how to wait out the wounds for the first time. I began to write, to compensate for the anxiety and emotional state that I was struggling with.
Bullets of Madness
I’m standing awaiting
caught in commotion
as the voices call through a veil
I hear them and fear them
even need rescuing
they make me aware of the nail
that drives through our senses
when alone it commences
to obsess me in sweet delusions
the nail it pierces
my heart as it fleeces
the last of courage from my mansion
as I tasted the apple
I quaked and my rattle
fell out from my innocent hand
I learnt of your lessons
obeyed your deceptions
and was made to fit into your plans
and now I can feel
the noise of the void
as the motion slows to a halt
feels like I’m dying
I’m scared of trying
to make sense just to please them all
I was shot down
as the black limousine
slowed to a glistening halt
the devil climbed out
his gestures obscene
my fears all came bleeding out
I knew he would laugh
as I fell to the ground
he had won the final bout
shot with bullets of madness
or bullets of sadness
my heart ached ‘til it wanted to stop
I can’t understand you
my mind burns with fire
I always just wished to belong
alone is no home
just broken desire
I’ve been shot down for being in love
