Over the last few years, how many uncomfortable conversations have you had – or avoided – about politics, religion, social issues, or even how to raise the kids? After all, these are the types of conversations that can quickly evoke a visceral response. Your body becomes tense; you feel a knot in your stomach and a lump in your throat. Anxiety builds, and everything from your conversation partner’s perspective causes you to feel enraged. It’s at that moment that you’ve discovered that your opinions are polar opposite, and you can’t – or aren’t willing to - understand their position. As your anxiety rises, you fear that anything you say will turn a simple discussion into a contentious debate that ends in frustration and division.
This doesn’t have to happen.
Utilizing her proprietary, research-based five-point framework called the ACTER model, Dr. Summer Allen’s methodology enables you to remain calm and open to learning no matter how challenging your conversation partner may be. ACTER teaches readers a set of skills centered around the acronym:
A—Appreciating diversity of opinions
C—Curiosity
T—Triggers
E—Emotional regulation
R—Respectful listening
When properly applied, the steps in the ACTER model help take the stress out of engaging in courageous conversations and allow readers to hear and better understand their conversation partner’s point of view objectively, as well as how to effectively express their own. The ACTER model skills are straightforward, and readers are encouraged to take small steps and apply each of the practices to achieve mastery while recognizing that conversations can be unpredictable.
The release of Lose the Debateis right on time. The existing ideological tensions within our society are inflaming conversations between family members, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Yet, living in an echo chamber creates silos that can damage relationships and prevent us from learning and engaging in meaningful dialogue.
Drawing on her experience and extensive research, Dr. Allen explains that one uncomfortable conversation at a time is actually the only way to heal our divides. The book Lose the Debategives readers the skills and confidence to have those conversations and, in the process, learn more about themselves and others.
As the founder and leader of a management consulting firm whose purpose is to help people become more emotionally intelligent in every aspect of life, Dr. Summer Allen’s business is built on training others to engage in courageous conversations and increase their emotional intelligence. Such discussions are often centered around starkly differing opinions and beliefs. In her book,InLose the Debate: A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence and Successful Dialogue, Dr. Allen applies her fifteen years of experience training Fortune 500 leaders, entertainers, and politicians and shares how to navigate conversations on tough topics and unfamiliar territory and reach positive outcomes that are based on understanding and respect.