Congratulations! You’ve matched with a Tech Bro. Maybe he built a “disruptive” app that nobody asked for. Maybe he describes himself as an “entrepreneur” but lives with four roommates. Maybe he just pitched you a startup idea during your first date. Either way, welcome to the rollercoaster ride that is dating a man who thinks “Web3” is a personality.
This hilariously brutal field guide will help you navigate, survive, and ultimately regret your decision to date a man whose primary relationship is with his second monitor. You’ll learn:
✔️ Why he refers to your love life as an "MVP" (minimum viable product)
✔️ How to decode his texts ("Let’s sync later" = He’s ghosting you)
✔️ Why he still wears hoodies even though he has six-figure stock options
✔️ The warning signs that your next breakup will be sent via Google Docs
If you’ve ever dated a guy who uses the phrase “scaling our relationship,” this book is for you. It won’t save you, but at least you’ll go into the next disaster fully informed.
🚨 WARNING: Side effects of reading this book may include deleting LinkedIn, blocking startup bros, and questioning every life choice that led you here.
