Detective Ronan Boyle’s To-Do List

• Fight the Leprechaun Navy on their own turf

• Deliver Crom Cruach, undead bog man, to Raghall, King of the Leprechauns

• Reorder dog diapers (XL)

• Follow Seamus McSheehy, Earth’s finest living dancer, into the Strangeplace and stop his evil scheme to become a god of Irish dance (time permitting)

• DO NOT FALL IN LOVE with Captain de Valera, despite her vibe, self-confidence, and cool new haircut

• PROVE PARENTS’ INNOCENCE, STOP LORD DESMOND DOOLEY, FIND A DECENT PLACE FOR LUNCH WITH VEGETARIAN OPTIONS (not in that exact order)

• Get new shillelagh and beret for “hot leprechaun summer”

• Pay down the 7803 euros in fees owed to the Special Unit of Tir na Nog

• Maybe DO profess love to Captain de Valera? No—bury that down deep andlater write a sad series of plays about it

• Rescue PIERRE THE FAR DARRIG! (If he’s even still alive?!)