'Brave and groundbreaking' Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author.
A myth-shattering, inspiring book that combines research and memoir to explore the growing phenomenon of estrangement from toxic relatives – showing it not as a tragedy, but as an empowering and effective solution to the heartbreak of family abuse.
After decades of enduring his mother’s physical and psychological torment and years of trying in vain to set boundaries, Eamon Dolan took a radical step: he cut his mother out of his life. No more phone calls, no more visits, no more contact. Parting with his abuser gave him immediate relief and set him on a path toward freedom, confidence and joy like none he had ever felt before.
In The Power of Parting, Dolan has written the book he wishes he’d had when he was struggling to free himself from his mother’s abuse. In the process, he discovered how widespread estrangement really is. One in five UK families will be affected by estrangement, and at least 27 percent of Americans are estranged from a parent, sibling or other family member. Estrangement, Dolan realized, should be understood and embraced, not shrouded in shame.
Drawing on his own suffering and healing, as well as experts’ advice and the testimony of other courageous survivors, Dolan first explains why abuse is much different and more prevalent than we may think, how it harms us in childhood and beyond, and why limiting or eliminating contact might be our best possible choice. He then takes us through the steps of a successful, positive estrangement: how to take crucial time for yourself; how to make sure no one can gaslight you into minimizing or forgetting; how to set rules for your abuser and – if they can’t or won’t respect your limits – how to end a toxic relationship. He also offers valuable counsel on how to ease the guilt and grief that often accompany parting, and how to break the cycle of abuse that was likely passed down to you through many generations.
With a convincing blend of clarity and empathy, Dolan encourages others to do what he ultimately did for himself: determine whether the people in your life treat you with the care and concern you deserve – and part ways with them if they don’t.
