I was out of money and options when this mysterious woman offered me five thousand dollars to get a tattoo. That seemed like a no-brainer. When I got tired of the tattoo, I figured I would just magically transfer it onto something else. No big deal. One missing person, one mutated kitten, one local crime lord, and a dozen cockroaches later, it turns out it was kind of a big deal. This hilarious urban fantasy is the kind of comedy that might happen if Kafka and Wodehouse got together for drinks.