You look at your reflection and touch your tum. It was never much of a flatty. This is going to be tricky to decipher what’s baby and what’s chunky. On the plus side you can stop walking around like a carrot with a hard-on pretending you don’t have at least three tyres under that top. Come on now. That flowy crap is fooling no one. Embrace it!

You start ringing, posting, gramming, snapping, chatting and tweeting the news to half the planet’s population. Everyone is thrilled and gifting you the normal reactions you’ve been denied by the one who helped create this situation - the boozing father to-be.

You’ve been dreaming of having a baby since forever and contemplate the joy to come.

Do you:

a) Start researching: Go to: Page 21

b) Sit back and relax: Go to: Page 78

So You Are... Pregnant! is not your average pregnancy book! Make your own journey through the miracle of life with complicated lows and hilarious highs. Options abound on this wild ride of Mothering mishap and misdemeanour. Talking clothes, tennis ball fetishes and a driver’s seat with a womb juice allergy?

Who knew having a baby would be this crazy?