Ivan Connor's publisher has just turned down his wonderful new novel. His agent is out of ideas, and the only person to turn up at his latest reading is his mum. He's also desperately jealous of the marketable Francesca Brady, a hugely successful author of fat romantic books for fat romantic people, whose expansive hair and bright red lipstick attack him from posters everywhere he goes. But Ivan has a brilliant idea. He's going to beat Francesca at her own game...